Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity wrapped in brutal realism. Every playthrough is a unique tapestry woven from unexpected encounters and hilarious mishaps. Forget predictable quests; here are some of the craziest side adventures I've stumbled upon while exploring the breathtaking landscapes of Bohemia.
Spoiler alert: This account focuses solely on the side quests, leaving the main storyline untouched.
Table of Contents
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
Nestled in the charming town of Želejov (complete with a bathhouse, fighting arena, and a lively tavern!), reside two incredibly lazy troubadours. Their grand dream? To conquer Bohemia with their "epic" songs. The only problem? They're broke, lack an instrument, and haven't the foggiest idea what to sing about – noble ideals or beautiful women? The choice is theirs, apparently not.
Enter Henry, ready to help these aspiring musical geniuses. My quest begins with stealing a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage, naturally). But the bards immediately snap the strings, demanding new ones made from sheep intestines. This sets off a hilarious chain of errands: acquiring the intestines, crafting the strings, and then dealing with the bards' debt to the innkeeper (which they refuse to pay, claiming it's beneath their artistic genius to carry sacks).
Finally, after hours of running around Bohemia, the troubadours are equipped with an instrument, freedom from debt, and...inspiration? Their reward for my efforts? A soul-crushingly dull song about my own mundane exploits – stealing, butchering sheep, and hauling bags. The locals cringe, I facepalm, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They required the crafting skills of a local hunter, Vojtěch. The catch? Vojtěch is a drunkard who got lost in the woods, encountered wolves, and ended up climbing a tree like a drunken chimpanzee. My rescue attempt? Well, let's just say he fell and injured his leg.
The intended path: carry him back to camp, save his horse from bandits, and help him sober up. In return, he’d become a loyal ally. But I chose a different path – delivering him directly to the nearest tavern, as per his own drunken request. The ensuing trek through forests and swamps, with a grumpy, injured hunter slung over my shoulder, was...memorable. His reaction upon arrival? Let's just say he wasn't thrilled. Our next encounter was even more memorable; a scowl and a view from behind his shack as compensation. "It's the best I can offer," he muttered bitterly.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
The Polovtsians – responsible for the destruction of my hometown and the slaughter of my family – are the game's villains. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern, I was ready for revenge. But instead of ruthless marauders, I found surprisingly sociable fellows. Soon, I was matchmaking one with a gypsy woman, drinking all the alcohol in the camp, and even singing bizarre songs with them. Then, a talking dog interrupted, launching into a philosophical lecture about life's purpose. Inspired (or perhaps tipsy), I accepted his challenge to swim across a lake. I survived (barely), laughing hysterically the entire time.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's Public Enemy Number One. How? A single botched heist. After successfully looting a guard barracks, I was spotted by a passerby who didn't intervene. The next morning, a guard burst into my room, accusing me of theft. I talked my way out of it, only realizing too late that I hadn't removed my flashy accessories or washed the stench of my crime off my clothes. The game's attention to detail is astonishing – even the smallest details can lead to hilarious consequences.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
I stole a horse, intending to sell it to Mikolaj, the gypsy horse trader. But Mikolaj was asleep, and the horse bolted back home before I could secure it. I left the game running overnight, waiting for dawn. When Mikolaj finally woke up, he spent ten minutes eating porridge at a glacial pace before I could finally sell him the horse. Even the simplest actions become hilarious misadventures in Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
These are just a few examples of what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so unique. Every decision, no matter how small, has consequences. Whether you're rescuing drunkards, philosophizing with dogs, or narrowly avoiding arrest, the game is a constant source of hilarious entertainment. The commitment to realism and immersion ensures every playthrough is a truly unforgettable experience. Bohemia awaits!
